Speaking Up as Self-Care: A Christian Perspective on Using Your Voice
Self-care is often reduced to routines and rest. But caring for yourself also means stewarding your inner life. One of the most overlooked ways women neglect themselves is by staying silent when something needs to be said.
When Silence Is Not Peace
There is a difference between peaceful restraint and fear-based silence. Silence that comes from fear slowly erodes clarity, connection, and emotional health.
What Keeps Women Quiet
Many women learned early to manage their words, tone, facial expressions, and other people’s reactions. Silence became protection. Over time, that protection can become a prison.
People-Pleasing and Self-Abandonment
When you constantly say “whatever you want” while ignoring your own needs, resentment builds. You are allowed to have preferences. You are allowed to take up space.
Speaking from the True Self
Speaking up is not venting or reacting. It is clarity without attack. Truth spoken in love builds trust and connection.
Avoiding Conflict vs Creating Peace
Avoiding hard conversations may feel calm in the moment, but it often creates long-term distance. Peace requires honesty.
Conclusion
Speaking up is not about being louder. It is about being truer. Self-care includes stewarding your voice with wisdom and love.
Watch Here..
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11:57:23 Welcome to the Christian Life Coach Podcast. I'm Shanna, your Christian life coach.
11:57:28 I hope women who feel overwhelmed, stretched thin, or stuck in patterns that don't match the life God created them for.
11:57:36 If you have ever felt that quiet tug, that sense that you were made for more,
11:57:41 than how you're living right now.
11:57:43 That's not your imagination.
11:57:45 That's your spirit craving alignment, peace, and purpose.
11:57:50 Here, we start with identity.
11:57:53 Because when you know who you are in Christ, you fully know how to show up.
11:59:14 Welcome to the Christian Life Coach Podcast. I'm Shanna, your Christian life coach.
11:59:19 I hope women who feel overwhelmed, stretched thin, or stuck in patterns that don't match the life God created them for.
11:59:27 If you've ever felt that quiet tug, that sense that you were made for more than how you're living right now,
11:59:33 That's not your imagination.
11:59:35 That's your spirit craving alignment.
11:59:39 peace and purpose. Here,
11:59:41 We start with identity, because when you know who you are in Christ,
11:59:45 You finally know how to show up.
11:59:48 We talk renewed thoughts, simple habits, emotional resilience, and sustainable rhythms.
11:59:54 That help you stop surviving on scraps and start living with intention and courage.
12:00:00 Jesus said, you are salt, and you are light.
12:00:04 That means you were created to live differently and to shine differently from the inside out.
12:00:10 If you're ready to grow, to simplify, and to become the woman God designed you to be,
12:00:16 You're in the right place.
12:00:18 Life coaching is life-changing. One renewed thought at a time.
12:00:23 Let's do this together.
12:00:33 Welcome to the Christian Life Coach Podcast.
12:00:37 So today's episode, we have been, in January 2026,
12:00:43 We have been talking about…
12:00:45 self-care from some different
12:00:49 angles, um…
12:00:51 We have talked about planning, we have talked
12:00:55 about follow-through, we've talked about several different aspects of self-care.
12:01:01 And I'm gonna stay along… kind of along that same vein.
12:01:06 This week, and also…
12:01:09 hang a… hang a strong pivot.
12:01:11 What I'm going to talk about today is speaking up.
12:01:16 as self-care.
12:01:20 Whaaat?
12:01:21 So, self-care, it's not just rest and routines.
12:01:26 It's also stewardship of your inner life.
12:01:30 And so, we are going to talk about how…
12:01:35 Our inner life can be cared for
12:01:39 by speaking up.
12:01:41 By using our voice.
12:01:44 And too often,
12:01:48 We stay quiet to keep the peace.
12:01:52 To avoid conflict.
12:01:54 To avoid being misunderstood or judged.
12:01:58 To avoid… causing someone else…
12:02:03 discomfort.
12:02:06 And Scripture tells us that there is… there is…
12:02:10 In fact, a time to be silent.
12:02:13 And there is also a time to speak.
12:02:17 And…
12:02:19 Matthew 15.
12:02:22 18 and 19.
12:02:25 kind of speaks clearly to this, and…
12:02:28 It… it often gets me, I'm gonna read this in two different versions.
12:02:34 the new American Standard Bible.
12:02:37 says, but the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart.
12:02:43 And those things defile the person.
12:02:46 For out of the heart comes evil thoughts,
12:02:49 Murders, acts of adultery, other immoral sexual acts, theft,
12:02:54 False testimony and slanderous statements.
12:02:58 So that's the NASB.
12:03:00 And this is the Passion Translation, which is a translation I like to go to, like, as a secondary, or…
12:03:08 Even tertiary, um, version to look at, because it's not…
12:03:13 I don't… I don't know that it's totally reliable, but…
12:03:16 It's… I… I like the version to see
12:03:19 how it words things. And in this verse, it says,
12:03:23 But what comes out of your mouth reveals the core of your heart.
12:03:29 Words can pollute.
12:03:31 Not food. You will find living within an impure heart
12:03:36 Evil ideas, murderous thoughts,
12:03:40 adultery, sexual immorality, theft, lies, and slander.
12:03:45 So, keep that in mind.
12:03:49 And…
12:03:53 I want to remind you that, or… or tell you.
12:03:57 Silence that comes from a place of fear.
12:04:01 is not peace.
12:04:05 And…
12:04:08 Often, that silence that comes from fear costs us more than we realize.
12:04:18 So, speaking up…
12:04:22 can…
12:04:25 protect your emotional health,
12:04:29 your relational health, your spiritual health.
12:04:33 Silence.
12:04:35 can look spiritual.
12:04:37 And also…
12:04:40 when it is a… from a place of fear.
12:04:44 It is going to slowly, if not quickly, erode
12:04:48 your own piece.
12:04:52 peaceful restraint?
12:04:55 is different.
12:04:57 than fear-based silence.
12:05:00 wisdom…
12:05:02 is different than self-abandonment.
12:05:05 So, we are told to…
12:05:12 speak with wisdom and discretion and prudence.
12:05:16 So, I'm not talking about…
12:05:21 being unrestrained and saying every word that comes to your mind. That is absolutely not…
12:05:27 what I am encouraging anybody to do.
12:05:33 But, to speak up when…
12:05:36 to not speak up.
12:05:39 is…
12:05:41 abandoning yourself is…
12:05:44 suppressing…
12:05:46 what really needs to come out.
12:05:50 So… we want to definitely…
12:05:55 Be wise, and like the verse in Matthew says,
12:05:58 that it's…
12:06:01 Our words reveal the core of our heart, so really, it is… it's a heart issue.
12:06:07 And when we silence ourselves,
12:06:13 That is not neutral. It does not cost us. It does not NOT cost us.
12:06:22 So, if… if staying quiet costs you
12:06:26 in clarity, costs you peace.
12:06:30 cost you connection, then something is off.
12:06:34 Self-care includes honoring what God has placed inside of you.
12:06:43 So, some of the things that keep us from speaking up…
12:06:48 is… and… and you can come up with your own. I'm sure that this might spur some of your own.
12:06:56 So, some of the things are fear of judgment,
12:07:00 Fear of being misunderstood.
12:07:04 Fear of being seen as difficult,
12:07:07 over-emotional.
12:07:09 Or just too much.
12:07:14 We might be fearful of hurting someone else's feelings,
12:07:19 or making them feel something that makes us uncomfortable.
12:07:25 And fear from past experiences, where speaking might not have been safe.
12:07:33 And we have… we have learned…
12:07:38 to carefully manage
12:07:41 The words that we speak…
12:07:43 The tone of our voice, our facial expressions,
12:07:48 And the emotional reactions of others. We have thought that we need to manage
12:07:54 other people's emotions.
12:07:57 So,
12:07:59 In order to avoid all of those things, our silence became protection.
12:08:04 We were protecting ourselves,
12:08:08 from other people's reactions, from
12:08:11 from being misunderstood,
12:08:14 We think.
12:08:16 And we think that we're protecting other people.
12:08:19 by staying quiet.
12:08:23 But… and…
12:08:26 what once was protection?
12:08:30 might end up costing you.
12:08:36 out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.
12:08:41 Are you being quiet because…
12:08:45 That's the wise thing to do, the prudent thing to do.
12:08:50 Or because you're afraid of the consequences of being honest.
12:08:59 One of the things that…
12:09:02 we can get caught up in.
12:09:05 is people-pleasing.
12:09:09 And… part of people-pleasing is not speaking up.
12:09:16 when… when the truth…
12:09:19 in love would speak up.
12:09:24 And this… this people-pleasing silence is kind of abandoning ourself.
12:09:31 It's not sane.
12:09:35 what we want to say.
12:09:38 And when we don't speak up, when we don't say what we want to say, when we don't share
12:09:46 our opinion, our preference, our thoughts.
12:09:50 Then we teach our nervous system that we don't matter.
12:09:55 We reinforce our belief that we don't matter.
12:10:00 that… that what we think doesn't matter.
12:10:04 Other people aren't doing this to us. We're doing this to us.
12:10:09 And when we… when our PAT responses, whatever you want,
12:10:14 I don't care.
12:10:16 whatever you… whatever you pick is fine.
12:10:21 Then, when that's not true,
12:10:24 When we actually do have an opinion or a preference,
12:10:29 then we can create resentment within us, because we aren't speaking up. We aren't speaking our truth.
12:10:37 We aren't sharing.
12:10:39 what we really think, or what we really want.
12:10:44 And expecting people to read your mind is unfair to everyone. It's unfair to them.
12:10:51 And it's unfair to us.
12:10:58 You are allowed to have preferences.
12:11:02 You're allowed to express?
12:11:04 When you need something, or when you want something.
12:11:08 You are allowed to take up space in this world without apologizing.
12:11:21 And…
12:11:24 We want to speak
12:11:27 from the place of our true self, not our wounded self.
12:11:32 But our true self.
12:11:36 Now, speaking up…
12:11:38 is not venting.
12:11:41 there… there is a place for venting, and really the best place to vent
12:11:44 is when you're praying,
12:11:47 Say it out loud. Talk to God. Vent to God.
12:11:52 On paper.
12:11:54 Journaling. Those are the best places to vent.
12:11:59 And when you vent,
12:12:02 you release.
12:12:04 That is not what I'm talking about here when I'm talking about speaking up from true self, speaking up is self-care.
12:12:11 Speaking up is being clearer without attacking.
12:12:17 it's speaking…
12:12:19 Truth with love.
12:12:20 Truth without love can be hurtful.
12:12:24 Love without truth,
12:12:26 is deceitful.
12:12:31 In Ephesians…
12:12:33 We're told to speak the truth in love.
12:12:37 And some…
12:12:40 practices…
12:12:42 To do this is to pause before you have a hard conversation,
12:12:46 Take a pause. Think it through.
12:12:51 Vent to God first, let Him tend to your heart,
12:12:54 And then speak from your true self.
12:12:57 From your heart with intention.
12:13:00 With being intentionally
12:13:03 purposeful.
12:13:06 And… speaking up early…
12:13:11 is gentler and kinder.
12:13:14 Then staying silent,
12:13:16 and exploding.
12:13:19 Exploding is not self-care.
12:13:22 speaking up in the moment.
12:13:25 from that true place, from that true self, from a heart of
12:13:31 Love.
12:13:33 That can be gentle,
12:13:36 And you don't have the buildup behind it.
12:13:44 And there is a difference between
12:13:47 Avoiding conflict.
12:13:50 And creating peace.
12:13:54 I may have mentioned this in a…
12:13:57 a recent episode, but I was hearing a lot…
12:14:03 over… probably throughout the holidays.
12:14:05 The difference between being a peacekeeper
12:14:10 Versus a peacemaker.
12:14:14 A peacekeeper avoids conflict.
12:14:18 You, you keep the peace.
12:14:20 But really, what you end up doing is you…
12:14:24 are allowing other people
12:14:27 to experience peace from the conflict, but then the conflict is still raging within you.
12:14:33 You don't get to experience peace.
12:14:36 So you are keeping peace, you are not making peace.
12:14:41 As opposed to…
12:14:43 Creating peace.
12:14:47 Where you also get to experience peace.
12:14:53 Avoiding hard conversations feels calm in the moment.
12:14:58 But long-term, it creates
12:15:02 emotional distance, disconnection,
12:15:05 maybe bitterness, resentment.
12:15:14 Avoiding…
12:15:16 conflict.
12:15:18 does not mean avoiding
12:15:20 Truth.
12:15:31 Let me go back to that.
12:15:33 So Proverbs 20, verse 3 says,
12:15:37 It is to one's honor to avoid strife.
12:15:40 Avoiding strife does not mean avoiding truth.
12:15:46 Peace requires honesty.
12:15:52 And your nervous system cannot rest,
12:15:56 When you are swallowing everything, when you're pushing it all down.
12:16:00 When you're people-pleasing.
12:16:03 When you're avoiding conflict,
12:16:06 to keep the peace.
12:16:10 Rather than speaking the truth in love,
12:16:14 to make peace.
12:16:17 to be a peacemaker.
12:16:22 Now, some…
12:16:24 Gentle practices for speaking up.
12:16:27 as self-care.
12:16:30 Pray before difficult conversations.
12:16:34 And…
12:16:36 Honestly, before a difficult conversation,
12:16:39 what I will do is…
12:16:42 Obviously, pray. That is the most important thing. Pray.
12:16:47 I want to get my heart right.
12:16:51 before…
12:16:52 I…
12:16:55 begin a difficult conversation, which could…
12:16:58 end up in conflict.
12:17:01 I want to come up from a place of my true self.
12:17:05 So, I'll do a thought download. I will journal about the conversation that I want to have.
12:17:10 And then, I will do a creation cycle.
12:17:15 There are previous episodes that I talk about thought downloads and creation cycles.
12:17:20 I will decide what… what are the points that I want to make? What are the topics that I want to address in this conversation?
12:17:29 How do I want to feel?
12:17:31 going into this conversation and throughout this conversation, regardless of what the other person says or does, or doesn't say.
12:17:41 And what do I need to remind myself of to stay in that emotion, to stay steady in that emotion that I want?
12:17:51 So that's… that is definitely my… my practice.
12:17:55 And you want to name feelings instead of implying them.
12:18:00 You want to be clear about how you are feeling,
12:18:07 And if, in the moment, you can feel your self starting to shut down,
12:18:13 Ask for time. Say, hey, can we take… can we take a time out here?
12:18:18 I need to gather my thoughts.
12:18:20 I want to get my emotions back in check before we continue, because I don't want to…
12:18:27 speak from anger, from fear.
12:18:29 I want to speak from a place of truth and love.
12:18:35 Practice saying, I need
12:18:37 I want, I prefer,
12:18:40 Without justifying.
12:18:42 You get to have your opinions. You have needs. It's okay to communicate them.
12:18:50 Always, always, always.
12:18:52 As James says, be quick to hear,
12:18:57 Slow to speak, and slow to anger. We want our words to be thoughtful.
12:19:03 And you're not… this isn't to become a whole different person.
12:19:07 It's to learn a new way to care for yourself. It's allowing you to speak,
12:19:14 your heart.
12:19:19 And speaking up is not about being louder.
12:19:23 And boisterous. It's about being
12:19:28 true. True to yourself, true…
12:19:31 to who you are, true to your heart,
12:19:35 Self-care includes stewarding your voice.
12:19:43 And if you recognize yourself in this,
12:19:46 In this staying quiet, keep the peace, to avoid conflict,
12:19:51 To avoid judgment,
12:19:54 or being misunderstood.
12:19:59 And you know what your silence is costing you.
12:20:03 And you want support to work through this, to speak from
12:20:09 your true self.
12:20:11 Which might be… might take some…
12:20:15 heart adjustment.
12:20:17 Right?
12:20:19 We might need to adjust our heart a little bit.
12:20:22 to be… to bring it into alignment.
12:20:25 with who God says we are.
12:20:28 To bring it into alignment.
12:20:30 with what the Bible says about us.
12:20:36 And if you want support with any of that,
12:20:39 I can help. This is what I do in my coaching.
12:20:43 We look at what's been keeping you quiet, we untangle that fear,
12:20:48 From love, and then practice speaking
12:20:53 truth?
12:20:55 from being grounded and confident, not reacting.
12:20:59 We practice responding rather than reacting.
12:21:03 And we do it in a way that honors God.
12:21:08 And our relationships. Our relationship with ourself and our relationships with other people.
12:21:13 You don't have to figure it out alone.
12:21:16 Your voice matters.
12:21:18 And caring for yourself?
12:21:21 includes using your voice.
12:21:26 So, if you would like to follow up and get on a call to talk about how
12:21:33 working with me can help you to start using your voice.
12:21:38 to create more connection,
12:21:40 to create more peace.
12:21:44 Schedule a right fit call, and the link is in the show notes.
12:21:50 Thank you so much for being here.
12:21:52 Remember that life coaching
12:21:55 is life-changing, one renewed thought at a time.
