Why You Feel Stuck (And How to Start Creating Your Life on Purpose)
If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in the same patterns, wondering why you keep ending up in the same place, you are not alone.
But what if the issue is not your life… but how you are thinking about your life?
Default Living Feels Normal
Your brain is wired to seek pleasure, avoid pain, and conserve energy.
That means it will naturally lead you toward:
what feels easiest
what you’ve always done
what gives immediate relief
This is default living. And it feels normal.
Your Thinking Is Driving Your Results
Many people believe their circumstances are the reason they feel stuck.
But your circumstances are not what create your results.
Your thinking about your circumstances does.
When your thoughts go unexamined, they shape your emotions, your actions, and ultimately your life.
The Problem With Living by Feelings
When you rely on how you feel to guide your actions, you stay inconsistent.
Feelings change.
They are not a stable foundation for creating a life you want.
From Reacting to Deciding
Default living is reactive.
Intentional living is decided ahead of time.
When you begin deciding who you want to be and how you want to show up, everything starts to shift.
What To Do When You Realize It
Awareness is the turning point.
Instead of shame or frustration:
tell the truth
get curious
decide who you want to be
take one aligned action
Then repeat.
You are not stuck.
You are practiced.
And you can begin practicing a new way of living today.
Watch Here
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Episode 60 Transcript
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Have you ever looked at your life and thought,
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Why do I keep ending up here?
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Same patterns, same struggles…
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Starting over again,
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And again. And it's really easy
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to think. This is just how my life is.
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This is just who I am.
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But what if that's not actually true?
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Welcome to the Christian Life Coach Podcast. I'm Shanna, your Christian life coach.
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Welcome to Episode 60!
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What?
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And if you're listening in real time, it is the second week of Easter, or the second week of April.
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2026, and…
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Happy Easter! Happy Resurrection Day!
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So, last episode,
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we… I… I introduced the concept that
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You are creating your life right now.
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Not someday, not when things calm down.
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The question isn't if you're creating,
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The question is, are you creating on purpose?
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Or… are you creating by default?
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And most of us…
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at some point…
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realize we've been living in default creation,
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more than we want to be.
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And today, we're going to talk about…
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What keeps you in default creation mode?
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And what to do?
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When you recognize it.
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So, first of all,
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creating in default mode is not a personal failure.
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your brain is actually doing its job.
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Because your brain is wired,
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2. Seek pleasure.
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Avoid pain.
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and exert as little energy as possible.
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So, your brain is wired to stay in that default.
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what feels good,
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go after that. What doesn't feel good, avoid that.
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And do as little as possible.
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It will always choose what you've always already been practicing.
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your brain is always going to choose what feels easiest.
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What gives immediate relief? Immediate gratification.
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that whole instant gratification thing.
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And you're not in default creation because you don't care,
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It's because you just don't realize it yet. You don't have the tools, you haven't decided…
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to create on purpose.
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You might not have even realized that you were creating at all!
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You thought you were just living life.
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So, there's no…
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It isn't a moral failure, you're not a bad person, you're just human.
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And that's okay.
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And…
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You get to decide.
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If you want to change that or not.
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So, what keeps us in default is
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believing our thoughts without questioning them.
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I don't feel like it.
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This is too hard. I'll start tomorrow.
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We don't examine our thoughts. We just…
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believe them and move on.
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I don't feel like it, so I'm not gonna do it.
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That's really hard, so I'm not even gonna try.
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I'll start tomorrow.
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So, I'll give in today.
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And we just think the thoughts, and we follow that path.
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And a lot of our thinking…
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feels like reality, so…
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I talk about separating
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the facts…
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from the story that we tell about the facts.
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And we think that the story that we tell about the facts
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is actually the fact.
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So, we believe…
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what we're telling ourselves. This is just how my life is.
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This is just the season that I'm in.
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This is just what happens at my age.
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And we blame circumstances. We blame our schedule.
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We blame a specific situation that we're in.
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We blame…
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that there's not enough time, or we blame that that person…
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is the problem.
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And our circumstances, the facts of our life,
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are real. But…
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They are not what is creating our results for us. It is the way that we think about our circumstances,
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that create…
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are… our experience of our life, and our life.
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You are not stuck because of your circumstances.
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You are not stuck because of the facts of your life.
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You're stuck because what you're believing about them.
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two people, two different people can be
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living in…
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the same or very similar circumstances,
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And complete…
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and create completely different results.
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because they're thinking about those circumstances differently. They're thinking about themselves,
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Within those circumstances, differently.
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That…
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that it is your thinking that is creating your reality.
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your experience of life,
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That is empowering.
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Because if it… if your thoughts have thought you here, they can think you somewhere else.
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And it's not…
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It's not, um, the power of positive thinking.
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It's not toxic positivity.
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It's the creation…
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process. Our thoughts.
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generate our emotions, our emotions drive our actions, and those actions that we take repeatedly
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create our reality.
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create the situations that we live in.
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And our… so our actions are originated by the way that we think.
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be transformed by the renewing of your mind.
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So, living in this default creation, we're given by how we feel.
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If you don't feel like it,
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you don't do it. If you do feel like it, you do it.
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But feelings…
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are not…
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enough to rely on.
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in default mode.
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If I only did what I felt like doing,
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I would spend my whole life on my couch, reading books.
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So that's pretty much…
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That's pretty much what I feel like doing.
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In general.
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So we…
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along the feelings line, we want to…
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Avoid discomfort.
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That is the…
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the motivational triad.
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We want to avoid pain.
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We don't want to feel bored. We don't want to feel restricted.
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We don't want to feel…
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the exertion of energy.
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We don't want to feel uncertainty.
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confusion.
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fear.
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embarrassment.
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So we avoid feeling those things.
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By, on default, choosing short-term relief.
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And when we choose short-term relief,
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We sacrifice long-term results.
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We choose to give in in the moment.
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and eat the cake.
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And in doing that, we are sacrificing the weight loss that we want to accomplish.
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We are sacrificing…
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are, um…
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reinforcing the positive habits that we want to be establishing.
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We react in default mode, we react.
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Rather than decide.
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We live in response.
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We're living in response to whatever's going on.
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in reaction mode. We are living in the moment.
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Just go with it.
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Rather than…
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deciding ahead of time.
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this is what I want to do in this situation.
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Instead of being intentional.
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And this is the difference between managing your life,
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And creating your life. It could be… you could call it…
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Sleepwalking through life. You can call it living on autopilot.
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can default mode, unintentional, whatever.
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going with the flow.
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And then…
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comes a moment, it might be right now.
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When you become aware,
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that you have been living in default mode.
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And you see, I've… what I have created…
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the experience of life that I'm living right now, and what… and it can be in one area, it can be your life in general, it can be…
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The number on the scale, what size clothes you wear.
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It can be your relationship with your spouse, or your relationship with your kids.
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the state of your house.
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what your house looks like when you walk in.
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Whether or not you invite company in,
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Or you keep them outside, because you don't want them to see your house.
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your financial situation, whatever it is.
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When you… when you wake up to that,
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And realize, oh, I've just been…
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creating my life on default.
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I've just been doing what I've always done.
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I've been following that motivational triad. My brain's been doing its job.
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And I didn't know.
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And now I know.
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And I want to encourage you…
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not to give in to…
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Shame, blame…
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Regret…
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You did the best you could.
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And…
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Maybe now you want to do differently.
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Maybe you want to uplevel that.
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Because you're learning new tools.
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We might feel shame, we might be frustrated, we might think I need to start all over again.
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But that's not necessary.
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So when… when you have that, I call it an awakening,
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What do you do?
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Pause. Pause and tell yourself the truth.
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There's no need for dramatics. I just heard somebody…
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I was listening to a teaching yesterday, and they said,
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basically, um, be a scientist.
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not a soap opera star.
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So, what are the facts? Just tell the truth.
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There's no need for drama.
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There's really no need to be emotional about it. Just be factual.
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What am I doing?
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What am I not doing?
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What am I currently creating?
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And I would say, I mean, you can do… again, you can do this, like, overall your whole life.
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In general, or…
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Specific. In…
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in my health, what am I doing?
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What am I doing to take care of myself?
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What am I doing to my body?
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What am I not doing?
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And what am I currently creating?
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And it might be…
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Feeling tired. It might be.
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Not fitting into clothes in your closet.
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I might be feeling sluggish.
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And living a sedentary lifestyle.
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And maybe it's not that extreme, maybe it's less extreme. And again, you can look at it in every area of your life.
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One at a time.
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So, get curious.
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come from a place of curiosity,
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not criticism.
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Not saying, ugh, what is wrong with me?
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So many things. There are so many things wrong with me.
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Ask yourself, what's been driving this? What are the thoughts behind the actions that I'm taking?
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How have I been feeling?
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that has driven the actions that I've been taking.
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And you'll notice that your patterns
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They make sense. Of course!
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this is how I've been doing things.
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I didn't think I had a choice.
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I thought this is just how I am.
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And now you can examine those patterns that you've been living,
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And ask yourself,
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Be curious.
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And you get to decide who you want to be.
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You can decide to shift from
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What do I feel like doing?
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2. Who do I want to be?
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And it might be, I want to be a woman.
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who follows through.
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I want to be a woman who takes care of herself.
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I want to be a woman who keeps her word.
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Not just to other people, but to herself.
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Who do you want to be?
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I like to…
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periodically. Get out a piece of paper, or open up a journal, and at the top,
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Right? I am a woman who…
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And then list out all the things. All of the things.
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that I am a woman who, that I want to be.
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And some of them, I'm in varying degrees of being that woman,
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And some of them feel like pie in the sky.
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But, I can remind myself of who I want to be,
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And I can work to align that.
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So, deciding who do I want to be?
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And then… take…
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One aligned action with being that person.
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Not all at once, not everything all at once.
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Not expecting perfection.
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What's one thing that I can do?
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that I can practice doing.
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to step into being that woman that I want to be.
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And then practice that one thing until it becomes habit.
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And then add something else in.
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Creation happens in small, repeated
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steps. I love to say…
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small steps.
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taken consistently over time create amazing results.
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And this is where transformation happens. We are renewing our mind. We are reminding ourselves of who we want to be,
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And as we walk that out, we are transformed.
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And that is laid out in Scripture as
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the creation cycle.
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creation on purpose is a practice. We practice it over and over and over again until it becomes who we are.
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And… as a reminder, I said this in
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Last… last week's episode, too, that…
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transformational is not passive.
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It's particip… participatory.
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The Bible says, be transformed by the renewing of your mind. We are transformed by the power of God.
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When we…
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take action and actively renew our mind. Decide.
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I am a woman who?
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and go to work to be that woman.
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to focus on being intentional and creating on purpose.
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So just a reminder, you are not stuck.
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You are just practiced. You have just been practicing this way of being.
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You've practiced default thinking.
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default patterns.
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reacting in default mode.
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And you can start practicing…
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Intentional thinking.
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Taking intentional action.
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to create intentionally.
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You are not just living your life. You are creating it.
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Are you ready to start creating that on purpose?
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It's available to you.
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Thank you so much for being here.
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Remember the show notes have all kinds of links to contact me,
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to get my book, Self-Care as Stewardship, which is an amazing resource if you want to start creating your life on purpose by taking care of yourself.
00:18:57.756 --> 00:18:59.756
This is an amazing resource.
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I have the Life on Purpose Planner.
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linked in the show notes.
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that is intentionally designed to help you live on purpose.
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It's what it's called, the Life on Purpose Planner.
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And that helps you to move into that intentional creation mode.
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Highly recommend it.
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Thank you again for being here. Remember that life coaching is life-changing.
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One renewed thought at a time.
