Identity Lies Christian Women Believe and How to Renew Your Mind
The Christian Life Coach Podcast, Episode 65
Many women are living from identities they never intentionally chose.
“I’m broken.”
“I don’t belong.”
“There’s something wrong with me.”
These thoughts may feel true because they’ve been repeated for years. But familiar thoughts are not always truthful thoughts.
Where Identity Lies Begin
Identity lies are often formed early through:
rejection
criticism
comparison
painful experiences
family dynamics
church experiences
feeling unseen
Children experience pain and create meaning about themselves from it.
Why These Lies Feel So Real
Repeated thoughts become practiced thoughts.
And practiced thoughts become automatic.
When you think something for years, your brain starts offering it automatically. That does not make it true.
How Identity Lies Shape Your Life
The beliefs you hold about yourself affect:
relationships
boundaries
confidence
leadership
habits
vulnerability
emotional health
You will struggle to consistently act against the identity you believe you have.
You Are Not Broken
You may need healing.
You may need support.
You may need growth and emotional maturity.
But that is very different from being fundamentally broken.
God designed you for transformation.
What Scripture Says About Your Identity
According to scripture:
You are loved
You are chosen
You are redeemed
You are being renewed
You are being transformed
Your identity is not rooted in shame, failure, or other people’s opinions.
Begin Practicing Truth
Ask yourself:
Is this thought true?
Is this what God says about me?
Is believing this helping me grow?
Then begin practicing thoughts that are more true and more helpful.
You do not need to become a different person overnight.
But you do need to stop agreeing with lies that are keeping you stuck.
Renewing your mind starts with noticing what you’ve been practicing.
Watch Here
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Some of the deepest pain that women carry is not…
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from what actually happened to them.
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It's from the meaning
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that they assigned to it.
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about themselves. Somewhere along the way,
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Women stop believing I made a mistake.
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And started believing.
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I am a mistake.
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there's something wrong with me. And once that takes root, it starts shaping
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everything.
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Welcome to the Christian Life Coach Podcast.
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I'm Shanna, your Christian life coach.
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We are continuing on in the series.
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about the lies we believe.
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Last week, we talked about some of the more simple lies. I don't have time.
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Um, that kind of thing.
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And we talked about noticing those lies.
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And then asking, is this true?
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And is this helpful?
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And we talked about awareness. We have to become aware
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Before we can make changes.
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Aware of what's happening.
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to notice where we even want to make a change in order to make the change.
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Today, we're going a little bit deeper.
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And we're going to uncover some of the, um, lies that are a little bit more under the surface than I don't have time, or I'm behind.
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And these are…
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identity lies.
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things that we believe about who we are as people.
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And some of them…
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are sound… or sound something like, I am not lovable,
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I don't belong, I'm too much.
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I'm nod enough.
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There's something wrong with me.
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I'm broken.
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I… I am the one that always has to have it all together.
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I am the one that has to do everything and take care of everyone.
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Maybe I am not likable.
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That's mine. That… that has been the identity lie that I have believed for a long time.
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And these lies don't just affect your mood,
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And how you… how you feel moment to moment. They affect
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Your relationships, they affect your confidence level, your habits, your boundaries, your leadership.
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How you show up with God, for God,
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how you let people love you,
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And whether or not you keep trying.
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And these… these identity lies didn't… didn't pop out of nowhere. It… they don't…
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wait to attack us.
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When we're adults,
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These beliefs are often formed early in our life.
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And… and sometimes there is abuse, there is trauma, and that absolutely
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impacts it, and sometimes it's just repeated experiences.
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being… experiencing rejection.
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Experiencing criticism or comparison.
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Feeling unseen.
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family dynamics.
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can feed into this. Experiences in church.
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And I mean, let's be honest…
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Living through middle school.
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had an impact, right?
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a childhood…
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a child experiences, like, we as children experience
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Something painful,
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hear things that people might say about us.
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to other people or to us.
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And then we create meaning
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around what is being said, or what we're hearing, or what we're experiencing.
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So, when… let's… I mean, come on, all of this can go back to middle school, right?
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Someone excludes you from the group or from an activity, and you feel like you don't belong. You tell yourself, I don't belong.
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Someone criticizes you.
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And you think…
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I'm not enough.
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You might experience failure,
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or comparison
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in comparison to other people, and you might think I'm broken.
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And you might…
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do things differently, see things differently,
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And you think something's wrong with me. It must be me, right? It's not them, it must be me.
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And we then practice
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those beliefs about ourselves. I don't belong. I'm not enough.
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There's something wrong with me. I'm broken. And we carry those thoughts and those belief patterns
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into adulthood without questioning them.
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We've just believed them all of this time.
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Because we've practiced them,
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so many times over the years.
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And we just believe them without question, without examining them.
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And I… I talk about that a lot in the previous episode, in episode 64.
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And these thoughts feel true.
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You might… you might say something like,
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I just don't belong, or I'm… I'm just different.
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And it might just…
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feel like fact, because…
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You have been rehearsing those same thoughts.
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for decades, or some version of that thought.
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And you might not even realize it until you start paying attention.
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And allowing those thoughts to come to the surface.
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So, you've been rehearsing them for so long, of course they feel true.
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It's what you have been telling yourself,
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It is the truth, I say in quotation marks, that you have been living from.
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Without question. Even though…
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they're not facts.
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They're just thoughts that you've been telling yourself.
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And anything that is repeated over and over and over starts to feel familiar.
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it becomes automatic.
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But familiar and automatic do not equal true.
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familiar and automatic do not equal true. Just because you have been believing this,
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maybe as far back as middle school.
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It does not mean it's true.
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So we start questioning it.
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We start pulling it apart.
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the creation cycle.
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The way that we think,
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generates the way that we feel.
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And our feelings drive the actions that we take.
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Which includes the things that we say out of our mouths.
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the attitudes that we come with, the things that we do, the things that we don't do.
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the things that we keep inside that we don't say.
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All driven from emotion.
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The way that we practice thinking,
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We practice it and practice it, and what…
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what is it? Practice makes perfect. We get better and better and better.
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at the way that we're thinking, because we keep practicing it.
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And the way that, um, neural pathways
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are created in our actual brain, like, physically in our brain, neural pathways are created by thinking the same thing over and over and over again.
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So those lies that you have been believing about yourself,
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have created neural pathways.
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neural pathways in your brain.
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And you may or may not have heard of
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Um, neuroplasticity.
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Where you can change those pathways. You have been believing these lies, they have created actual pathways in your brain,
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And you can change those pathways.
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You can start creating new pathways of the truth.
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It's crazy, and mind-blowing.
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and amazing all at the same time.
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So, you have been practice believing these lies. You've practiced
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feeling and experiencing shame.
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You've practiced…
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rejection. You've practiced
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self-criticism.
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And now, your brain just offers those thoughts automatically.
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We've practiced them so much that our brain
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That's just what we think.
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And not because they're true.
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It is not because they're true, it's because they have been practiced over and over and over again.
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for so many years.
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And these thoughts…
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become the lenses
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through which we see ourselves.
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Through which we see the world.
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Through which we see ourselves
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in relationship to other people.
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if I believe I am not lovable,
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that I might overperform.
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to overcome my unlovability.
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I might people-please.
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Because that's the only way I can get people to like me.
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I might cling to relationships because I feel so needy,
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Or I might hide.
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I might fear being vulnerable.
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Because I don't want to experience the rejection.
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I believe that there's something wrong with me,
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I might just avoid trying.
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to fit in, to belong.
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I avoid trying, I quit easily, maybe isolate.
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live in constant comparison of other people.
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And just assume…
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that rejection is ahead.
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And if I'm assuming that I'm gonna be rejected, I'm probably not putting myself
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In situations where it's even a possibility. Therefore, I am…
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pre-rejecting myself.
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if I believe I'm broken, then I stop expecting
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growth.
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I excuse my patterns. It's just the way I am.
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And I stay in that stuck
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repeated pattern.
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You will always struggle.
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To consistently act against the identity you believe you have.
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If you believe you are broken, unlovable, you don't belong,
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It's going to be really hard to take action
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to prove otherwise.
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And that's why identity matters so much.
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match. We behave
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in the way,
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that we believe the world sees us.
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When we're in this
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when we're believing the lies about who we are.
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And I just want to say, you're not broken.
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You belong?
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You are lovable.
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More than that, you are loved with an everlasting love.
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You are likable.
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The Bible says, you are a friend of God.
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Right?
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And when we're believing these lies,
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believing that we're broken,
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believing that this is just the way it is.
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then we don't allow for renewal.
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for transformation, sanctification,
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growth, developing,
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emotional maturity.
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I think this is just the way we are.
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I just don't belong. It's just the way I am.
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It's who I am.
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But it's not true.
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God designed you to grow, not to stay where you're at,
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But to grow.
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You might be wounded.
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You might be in some emotional…
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immaturity patterns, or you may have been practicing unhealthy
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patterns of showing up.
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You may need some healing.
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You may need to take on some responsibility.
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You might need support.
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Hello, I'm a life coach, I can help you with that.
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But that is all very different from being fundamentally broken.
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Or…
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being someone who does not belong.
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That's just not true.
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Your identity,
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Or if, if your identity is only rooted in your mistakes,
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The way that you feel,
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your past?
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other people's opinions of you.
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then you're going to constantly feel unstable.
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You're always going to make mistakes.
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Your emotions are going to roll like waves.
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Sometimes they're going to be stronger than others.
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your past happened once,
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And you may…
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be continually hurting yourself with it.
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And other people's opinions, you cannot control.
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So you cannot… there's instability there.
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But the Bible tells us
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You are loved. You are chosen.
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You are redeemed. You are being renewed.
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You are transformed.
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You are made new. Those…
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are your identity. Chosen.
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loved, redeemed.
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sanctified.
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the righteousness of Christ.
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forgiven. Those are your identity.
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Not because you earned it.
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But because Christ loved you so
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:17:32
Much he was willing to pay the ultimate price for you.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:17:38
And if all of those are true,
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:17:41
And all of that other stuff is not.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:17:44
And you can practice…
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:17:46
believing…
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:17:48
in… in these true identities.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:17:51
You can begin believing
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:17:57
God loves me. I am loved.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:18:00
With an everlasting love.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:18:02
by the God of the universe who created everything.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:18:06
I am being transformed.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:18:09
I am being renewed.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:18:12
I am chosen for such a time as this.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:18:16
I am the kind of woman who can grow.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:18:19
I can change my thought patterns.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:18:22
Because it's just what I've been practicing,
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:18:25
I can practice new ways of being.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:18:32
pain may be part of your story. It's a part of all of our stories to different… differing degrees, differing levels.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:18:39
But it is not who you are.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:18:43
Struggle is not your identity.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:18:46
Trauma is not your identity.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:18:49
Failure is not your identity.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:18:53
So we want to start replacing those lies.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:18:56
With the truth. So…
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:19:00
Ask yourself…
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:19:03
what identity lie?
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:19:06
Do you hear most often?
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:19:09
And I've said a bunch of them.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:19:11
And it can be any variation. I'm too much, I'm not enough.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:19:17
I'm broken, I don't belong,
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:19:19
I'm unlikable, I'm unlovable, I don't deserve it.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:19:25
I'm just like this. I was meant to be this way, whatever it is.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:19:30
write it down. What is that identity lie that you have been believing?
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:19:36
And then ask, is this true?
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:19:40
Is it actually true?
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:19:43
And then… is this what God says about me?
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:19:49
Is this just what God's Word says about me?
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:19:54
And is believing this helping me?
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:19:58
to grow, to become the woman that I want to be.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:20:03
Is… is this leading me in the direction that I want to go?
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:20:10
And then, what would be more true and more helpful?
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:20:15
I'm learning to belong.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:20:19
And it might be, I want to belong. You may have believed for so long that you don't belong,
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:20:24
that you've been believing that you don't even want to belong, that you don't care.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:20:29
Maybe it's… I want to belong.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:20:33
Learning to belong.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:20:34
I'm growing. I am working on becoming emotionally healthy.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:20:39
God is renewing me.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:20:41
I can learn, I can change the way that I'm thinking,
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:20:45
I am not disqualified.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:20:48
So what… what is it that you can start practicing
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:20:52
to scene.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:20:54
believing on purpose.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:20:56
in order to grow those new… or dig, I guess, those new neural pathways.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:21:06
And this is not about…
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:21:08
becoming boastful and arrogant. It's not about pretending that you're perfect and you have it all together.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:21:15
It's not about self-worship.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:21:17
Humility is not agreeing with lies about yourself, thinking that you're a horrible person,
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:21:23
That is not humility. That's deception.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:21:27
Humility is agreeing with God.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:21:32
When you are agreeing with God,
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:21:36
believing that you are who He says you are,
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:21:39
That is true humility.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:21:45
In closing, you do not have to keep agreeing.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:21:49
With the thoughts that are keeping you stuck.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:21:52
And you don't need to become somebody totally different overnight.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:21:57
But it is so helpful to start noticing
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:22:01
the identity that you have been rehearsing.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:22:04
Because you will live from the identity that you believe.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:22:09
And God did not, and does not want you to build your life on lies.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:22:20
God wants you. He is the truth.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:22:23
is the way, the truth, and the life.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:22:26
Nobody comes to the Father except through Him.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:22:29
He wants you to believe the truth.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:22:32
And he wants you to live it out.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:22:34
from love.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:22:39
I would love to hear what you think about this.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:22:42
Where is it that you are noticing that you are
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:22:47
Um, you have been practicing
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:22:49
that identity that isn't even true.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:22:51
I would love to hear from you.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:22:53
And, if this is something that you want to work through,
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:22:57
Click in the show notes to
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:23:00
Schedule a right fit call, and we will get on a call, and no pressure.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:23:05
No pressure call. I will tell you what it looks like to work with me, and we'll talk about how life coaching can help you.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:23:12
In this area, and…
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:23:14
any other area that you're working through.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:23:17
Thank you so much for being here.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:23:21
Remember that life coaching is life-changing, one renewed thought.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 14:23:25
At a time
