Why the Lies You Believe Feel True
The Christian Life Coach Podcast, Episode 66
Have you ever noticed how easy it is to find evidence supporting the negative things you believe about yourself?
That is not random.
Your brain is constantly searching for proof of what you already believe.
Your Brain Is an Evidence Collector
Your brain filters information constantly.
If it didn’t, you would experience overload from the amount of information coming at you every second.
Part of how the brain works is by gathering evidence to support existing beliefs.
Why Identity Lies Feel So Convincing
If you believe:
“I’m not enough”
“I always fail”
“I don’t belong”
your brain starts noticing every experience that reinforces those beliefs.
Meanwhile, it filters out evidence that points to growth, connection, courage, or progress.
Pain Is Real. Identity Lies Are Different.
This is not about pretending painful experiences did not happen.
Pain is real.
Rejection happens.
Failure happens.
Disappointment happens.
But the deeper issue is the meaning assigned to those experiences.
There is a difference between:
“I failed”
and:
“I am a failure.”
The Creation Cycle
Your thoughts create feelings.
Your feelings drive actions.
Your actions create results.
When you repeatedly believe limiting thoughts, your behaviors begin reinforcing those beliefs.
Renewing Your Mind Is Intentional
Renewing your mind means intentionally practicing agreement with truth.
It means:
identifying the belief
noticing the evidence your brain collects
looking for evidence of truth
practicing new thought patterns repeatedly
You are going to find evidence for whatever story you keep rehearsing.
So the question is not whether you can find proof.
The question is:
What are you committed to proving?
Watch Here
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[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 09:47:42
You can always find evidence for the lies that you already believe.
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If you believe you're not lovable, your brain will notice rejection.
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If you believe you don't belong,
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Your brain will notice exclusion.
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If you believe you always fail,
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Your brain will keep score of every unfinished project.
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And while all of this is happening,
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Your brain is filtering out evidence that points to something different.
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Not because it's not there.
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Not because it's not true, but because your brain is searching for proof
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of what you already believe.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 09:48:24
Welcome to the Christian Life Coach Podcast. I am Shanna, your Christian life coach.
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And we are…
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Continuing on in the May series of…
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The lies that we believe.
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In episode 64, in the first week of May,
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I talked about noticing the lies.
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that we've been believing.
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And last week, on episode 65, I talked about identity lies. Lies that we believe
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about who we are.
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And today,
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I think this is such a powerful episode, because
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I'm going to talk about how
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or why, why these lies that we believe…
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feel so true.
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We are so convinced
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that they're true.
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And once we start questioning the lie,
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our brain immediately goes, yeah, but look at the evidence. Look at all of the evidence that supports
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that belief.
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And…
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Maybe you just say, oh,
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It must be true, there's all kinds of evidence for it.
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But…
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Just because we have all of that evidence built up does not mean that it's the truth.
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our brain isn't going to work just to find what's true.
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our brain goes to work,
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to support what you already believe.
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your brain is constantly scanning for information. It's always looking for information.
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That's… that is what your brain does.
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one of the things that also keeps you alive.
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Um, and one of the things that it's doing is it's
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It's automatically always
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searching data.
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to find evidence to support what you already believe, what you already believe to be true.
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about yourself, about relationships, about other people, about circumstances, about life in general.
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And this is part of how God designed the brain to operate.
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Your brain filters information constantly.
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constantly being bombarded by information. Your brain is filtering through it.
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If it didn't do that, we would just, like, we would have constant
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input overload.
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And the problem is, if you believe lies,
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then your brain is gathering evidence.
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to support the lies.
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So, for example, and I'm taking some of the… some of the lies that we believe about ourself from the previous episode,
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And here… I'm just gonna be transparent, here we go. Okay.
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Here's the lie that I recognized that I had been believing
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For decades.
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decades.
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I am not likable. People just don't like me.
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I'm not likable.
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And so when I believe that,
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My brain is going to work to prove it true. Yeah, remember that time when you were bullied in elementary school?
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Remember that time that you were…
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you know, um, eliminated from a friend group.
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Remember how you feel when you're around that group of friends, and everybody seems to fit in and you don't.
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Your brain will notice
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awkward conversations.
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If somebody doesn't respond to you, your brain's like, see? They don't like you.
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Your brain notices criticism.
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someone seeming like they're not really focused and paying attention to you.
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not getting invited to something.
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your brain is looking for those instances to create
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a file of evidence
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for that belief, I am not likable.
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And what it's not noticing, what it's filtering out,
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is anytime that you are feeling connected,
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in a situation or in a relationship.
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It's filtering out those times when you are having fun with somebody else,
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And they are enjoying your company.
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It filters out all of the times that you do get invited.
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It filters out the times that people are kind to you.
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And not because those things aren't happening, not because they don't exist.
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But because your brain is looking
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for evidence to support what you already believe.
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So, another one is…
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I always fail.
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I always fail. I never… I never finish.
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I never succeeded anything that I try.
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I always fail.
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And so your brain is collecting the evidence, all of those projects that you've started but you haven't finished,
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mistakes that you've made,
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inconsistencies or incongruency in what you say and what you do.
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All of the failures.
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All of the times that you didn't win,
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But your brain is ignoring
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instances that you have demonstrated resilience and growth.
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progress that you've made.
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The times that you did follow through.
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the things that you've learned, the areas that you are disciplined and consistent in.
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And this is… this is a little bit about where the, um…
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There's a book by Benjamin Hardy called The Gap in the Gain,
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And this is a little bit where
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When we… when we're only focused on where we want to be,
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in comparison to where we're at right now, we just see this gap. We see what's missing.
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And we don't see how far we've come from where we were before.
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And that kind of plays into this, I'm a failure. I'm not paying attention to all of the progress that I've made, I'm not paying attention to all of the amazing things that I've done,
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I'm only seeing those areas.
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where there's a gap, or it didn't work.
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Another example is, I don't belong.
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Anybody?
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Any women ever experienced this one.
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Um, and when you believe that, when you just believe, I just don't belong anywhere, I just don't fit in, I don't belong.
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Even at church, even my church friends, I just don't…
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I don't really belong anywhere. Everybody else seems like they have a place that they belong, and I just don't belong.
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And then your brain notices all of the times that you feel awkward in social situations.
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All of those places where you feel insecure.
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All of the evidence…
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that…
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you know, other people are having a good time, kind of like… kind of like the unlikable. It's…
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It's similar. The discomfort that you feel in social situations, the exclusion,
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Feeling excluded from
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certain circles or situations or events, or whatever.
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And your brain ignores,
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All of the places where you feel accepted,
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people that are reaching out to make connection with you.
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like, that we actually do belong anywhere we're at, because that is where we are.
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the times that you're being invited, the moments where you do feel like, ugh, I love this group of people, I…
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these are my people, I belong here. Your brain's ignoring all of that. It's filtering that out.
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to support the belief that you don't belong.
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And…
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And I also want to say that this does not…
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Um…
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It's not negating painful experiences that you have.
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We're not pretending that things didn't happen.
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There are times that you have been rejected. There are times
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Where maybe you really…
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were excluded.
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So, those things happen. I… like, there are times…
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When we got bullied.
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Um…
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And so we're not talking about…
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being in denial, pretending that stuff did not happen,
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It's not toxic positivity, because painful things do happen.
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people get rejected. We fail sometimes. We get our feelings hurt sometimes.
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But it's the meaning…
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that we assign to those experiences.
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Is it, ugh, that really hurt?
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I'm feeling really sad, or is it there's something wrong with me? I don't belong.
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Nobody likes me. I always fail.
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That's the shift. Like, I failed in that situation, I didn't accomplish that thing.
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As opposed to, I'm a failure.
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So, it's not that they're… it's not that those things… those evidences didn't happen.
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But when you're only looking for that evidence,
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that is the belief that you're going to be supportive.
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supporting.
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And is that the belief that we want to be supporting?
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So, when… when we think
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the same thing, or the same collection of things. I don't belong, I'm not likable, I'm…
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Um…
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I'm a failure. Like, your brain is efficient at finding proof for those beliefs.
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We've practiced…
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being in shame.
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feeling criticized, being insecure, being fearful.
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comparing ourselves
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And because we practice these thoughts,
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They become automatic, it's just…
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the… the soundtrack that's playing in our mind on repeat,
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And also, it does not mean they're true.
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It means they're familiar.
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And when something is familiar,
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It might feel convincing.
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And this is where, I mean, the creation cycle isn't everything.
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I talk about it a lot.
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our thoughts generate our feelings, our feelings drive our actions,
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Our actions create our results.
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So if I'm thinking…
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I always fail. I never… I never finish anything, I never accomplish anything, I just always fail.
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then I feel…
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discouraged.
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And my actions that are driven from just feeling discouraged
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are I procrastinate.
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I hesitate and don't take action.
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I avoid really putting my full effort into it.
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I quit when it gets hard.
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I quit very quickly and easily.
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And then, my results…
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Just reinforce my belief.
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See? I failed again. I didn't do it.
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And now that lie feels even more true, because…
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I'm living.
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those… the reinforcing cycles of that belief.
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And you can… you can plug in… I'm not likable,
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I… I don't belong, whatever… whatever that belief is that you have been believing, you can put that in the creation cycle.
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Here's the belief, here's how I feel,
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When I think that way,
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And these are the things that I do when I feel
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that emotion. When I'm experiencing that emotion, when I'm in that emotional state,
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These are the things that I do.
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And…
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If your brain is searching for rejection,
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your brain is going to notice rejection. It is going to find rejection.
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If your brain is searching for failure, it's going to find failure.
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If it's searching for evidence that you're behind,
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You'll constantly be comparing yourself to other people.
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And it works in the opposite direction, too.
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That's the good news here.
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If you want to be intentionally looking for growth, for evidence of God's faithfulness,
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For things to be thankful for.
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for moments of courage, for progress that you've made,
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for the ways that you are already connected,
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If you are intentionally looking for the truth,
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Your brain will gather evidence to support that, too.
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This is renewing our mind.
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Renewing our mind is not passive. It is intentional.
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We are…
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retraining the way
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that we have practiced thinking, not with fake positivity,
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Not with, um…
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not in an effort to worship ourselves or set ourselves up above anybody else, not by ignoring reality.
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But by learning, by practicing, agreeing with the truth,
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Instead of automatically agreeing with those false narratives, with the fear, with the shame, with the insecurity,
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All of those things that we've practiced thinking,
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All of those emotional, like, the habitual emotions that we feel,
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So, what do we want to do?
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identify the belief.
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And if you haven't listened to the previous two episodes, go back and listen. If you… if you haven't really identified
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that belief that has kind of been…
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hovering under the surface and operating in your life.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:03:28
I'm behind, I'm not enough, nobody cares about me, I always fail, I don't belong.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:03:35
I'm unlikable.
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never have enough time.
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nobody cares about me, I already said that.
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And then notice the evidence that your brain collects from this.
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What am I constantly noticing?
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Because I already believe that this is true.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:03:55
And then…
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intentionally look for evidence of
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:04:00
the truth. Look for evidence of growth.
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of connection.
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of consistency, of God's provision.
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of the way that you've changed, about…
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:04:13
evidence of where you've shown up courageously.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:04:18
And then, practice new thoughts repeatedly.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:04:23
And not because they're gonna magically come true because of repetition, but because they are
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true, and you just need practice,
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:04:33
seeing those thoughts so that your brain will start collecting evidence to show you
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But they're true.
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I am… I am created in God's image. I am likable because the Bible says I am a friend of God.
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I'm a co-heir with Christ. I'm a daughter of the King.
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God loves me with an everlasting love. I am God's workmanship.
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I am likable. There are people that like me.
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Sometimes I even like me.
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More often than not, actually.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:05:11
And I just wanted to say, this is not manifesting, it's not pretending that hard things don't exist, we're not speaking things into existence,
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:05:22
We're not just thinking happy thoughts.
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This is just about awareness.
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It's about emotional…
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maturity and responsibility, it's renewing your mind. This is the actual work of renewing your mind.
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This is Taking Your Thoughts Captive.
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It's practicing agreeing with the truth.
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So, some other questions that you can ask yourself, and I… I will have a download for this episode, so there will be a link in the show notes if you want to
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:05:58
get a worksheet to help you work through this process.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:06:03
You can go to the show notes and click the link for podcast resources, and it will be in that folder.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:06:10
So, what…
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:06:12
What are…
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:06:14
beliefs that my brain is trying to prove true.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:06:20
Or what is one belief that my brain is… that I'm thinking, that I have believed about myself,
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for a really long time, that maybe it's not true?
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:06:30
Maybe. So what is that belief that my brain is trying to prove?
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True. What is the evidence
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that I repeatedly notice.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:06:40
What is the evidence that keeps building a case?
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to prove that belief true.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:06:46
And what evidence?
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:06:48
Am I ignoring? What evidence is there to the contrary?
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What would change if I started gathering evidence for the truth?
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Rather than the lie.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:07:08
In closing, you are… you're going to find evidence
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to support either story, whatever story you keep rehearsing,
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:07:17
That is the story that you're going to find evidence for.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:07:21
So the question isn't, can I find proof of it? The question is, what am I committed to proving?
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What am I committed?
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to proving true? Do I… am I committed to proving true that I'm not likable?
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Or, am I committed to proving true that I am likable?
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people do like me. I do belong.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:07:42
Because your brain is going to help build the case for whichever practice
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:07:46
whatever you are practicing believing.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:07:50
And God did not call you to spend your life building a case against yourself.
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There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:08:04
So, journal. Journal those questions.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:08:08
The evidence that your brain keeps collecting, what is…
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:08:11
What is actually true? What is the truth?
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:08:14
And what evidence have I been ignoring?
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:08:16
I would so appreciate it if you would share this episode.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:08:21
with people that you think might appreciate it, that
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:08:24
This might speak to them. I would love that so much.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:08:28
And don't forget to click the link in the show notes to get your
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:08:34
Um, the resources that are available for the podcast.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:08:38
And if you want work… if you want to work with somebody to do this work on a very personal
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:08:44
individual level, schedule a right fit call, and let's talk about how life coaching
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:08:48
can help you to do this work in your life in real time.
[Shanna Pyzer | shannapyzer.com] 10:08:54
Thank you so much for being here. Remember that life coaching is life-changing, one renewed thought at a time.
