Your Emotions Are There for a Reason

When we are feeling emotions it is because of the way we are thinking about what is happening, what has happened or what might happen.

Sometimes emotions are positive and we just kind of go with them. Ride the wave of love, happiness, pleasure…..

Sometimes they are negative and we battle with sadness, loneliness, anger, jealousy….

It’s the battling, resisting, avoiding, hiding these emotions that cause the problems.

We should acknowledge, with gratitude, the times that we experience positive feelings.

Acknowledging the negative feelings is also very beneficial. We want to notice that we are feeling that negative emotion and explore why we are feeling that way.

Negative feelings are there for a reason.

It is never a person or a situation that makes you feel happy, sad or jealous. It is the way you are thinking about that person or situation that creates how you feel.

Which is great news, because it is in your control!

When you realize what you are thinking that is creating the feelings, that awareness alone is a gold mine. That is when you are getting to the truth of the matter.

Being aware of why you are feeling the way you do takes some of the power away from the emotion and  can bring the temperature of that emotion down a bit. 

What do I do when I figure out why I am feeling so bad?

Acknowledge it… without judgment.

As a human, you have the ability to think about what you are thinking about. (It is called metacognition.) 

“Of course I am feeling ……… because I am thinking ……….. About ……… and that is totally understandable.”

Allow it… without acting on it.

Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Feelings are not harmful. It is when we act in harmful ways out of our feelings that we cause problems for ourselves and/or others.

It won’t last forever (unless you want it to) a single emotion lasts for about 90 seconds in your body. If you allow it to move through you, as you notice it, then it will dissipate. If you keep thinking the thoughts creating the feeling, you will continue to feel that way.

Alter it….in increments if needed.

When you are ready to move on from that negative feeling, you can choose to change the way you are thinking, thus changing the way you feel. In my video “You Can Worry Less”, I use the example of how worried I was about my son in Navy bootcamp.

I was imagining all of the terrible things that he could be experiencing and so I was feeling a lot of worry, sadness, and fear. I recognized that it was all of my imaginings that were causing those negative feelings, which were overwhelming and consuming me. Once I recognized the feelings and why I was having them, I could decide that those thoughts were not serving me. They were actually hurting me. And they definitely were not doing my son any good. I decided to think (on purpose) that he was where he was supposed to be. I could work on trusting the Navy with my son. And that took the temperature down and neutralized my feelings a lot. I wasn’t quite ready to move into feelings of joy and happiness about my son being gone.

Eventually, you may want to move from this more neutral way of thinking to a more positive one. But you get to choose. 

Our feelings can seem very complicated because we can experience a lot of different emotions seemingly at the same time. That is because our thinking can be all over the place! It definitely was for me when my son was in bootcamp. 

Depending on the situation, ranging from the death of a loved one to the grocery store being out of your favorite brand of coffee creamer, this work can help. The goal is not to feel better necessarily. The goal is to be aware of why you feel the way that you feel, without judgment, allowing yourself to feel what you feel, and when you are ready to work on altering those feelings.

Now, I am not saying that this is easy. It takes intentionality, effort and repetition. Eventually, with enough practice you will begin to notice your feelings and automatically recognize what you are thinking that is causing you to feel that way. It is definitely worth the effort to feel more in control of how you feel.

If you want to start practicing but aren’t sure how, schedule a Right Fit Call and I can walk you through it to get you started!